natalie grant -perfect people

never let 'em see you when you're breaking
Never let 'em see you when you fall
That's how we live and that's how we try
Tell the world you've got it all together
Never let them see what's underneath
Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while

[CHORUS:]
There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scared
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God

Suddenly it's like a weight is lifted
When you hear the words that you are loved
He knows where you are and where you've been
And you never have to go there again

[CHORUS]

Who lived and died to give new life
To heal our imperfections
So look up and see out let grace be enough

[CHORUS]

By a perfect God [5x]

Be changed by a perfect God
Be changed

The last moment

Quite depressed and sad on what happened between us .

Miss him alot. I found that I couldn't hate him. And I still love him.

This has got to be stopped. Cause it's not going to do my any good, but more harm.

So tonight will be the last night , the last moment of me + him in my own little world.

Then I shall draw a complete fullstop at the end of our story.
Stopped thinking about him and making all sort of guess on him and between us.

cheer- fish

He does not worth my love

I was pretty depressed these few days. 10th day post breaking up .
This morning I woke up, my heart is still aching .
Wondering why he did this to me .

I checked my MSN , and I need to confirm that if he has really blocked me.
Googled how to do it.
Yes, I finally found the answer.
My instict, and logic was right. He has blocked me.

There is no turning back in this relationship.
Looking back at what he has done to me all this while.
I was wounded badly.
felt that I was nothing but more than being used by him to fill up his thirst for loneliness and his desire.
It was a foolish game.

Few days ago, my friend told me that maybe it is not right to comment him in his facebook.
I wanted to delete all the bad comment about him.

But today, I realised that I don't have to do this.
The reason is that he is just a jerk that doesn't deserve my kindness to him.

A jerk that never celebrated his galfren's birthday.
A jerk that never celebrated valentine's with his girlfren.
A jerk that blamed his galfren never go and find him but in fact the gal went to his town and waited and waited till 12.00 midnight everyday till he text that " I am too tired to meet you ."
A jerk that can dump his galfren because he was very troubled by his work.


A jerk remains a jerk.

I just have to wake up.

I guess I was furious not because of breaking up with him, but his behavior of cutting out all contacts, and blocking me without after the break up as if I am a plague or am going after him like a crazy insance psyched .

He text to break up.
that's really gut less of him in facing me.

I was thinking that we still can be friends.

He said yes.

Then the following day he did all these to me.

So he is just a liar . Definitely a jerk.


He still owes me money. Not a big lump sum , but a few hundreds.
It's not a big number for a working man who own a business like him.
But it is a lot for a student who solely depends on loan like me.
My account only have less than 2 figure to survive for the following months till Jan. He knew that. So why don't he return the money to me ? Cheapo.

I guess it was a planned beautiful break up by him but turn out I found more ugliness in him.

My only mistake was putting too much effort and getting too committed in this relationship. Trying to hard.

He is the one who quit.

From today onward, I don't have to feel awkward to face him personally or talk to his friend who is able to affect my evaluation of my performance in the clinic.
I truly know that it was absolutely , 100 % not my fault. His best buddy in the ward was avoiding me and or just plain being unfriendly to me in the ward or in the fac.
Next time when I see him, I will just approach him and say, " Hi , Dr D, how 'ya doing " loudly and let's see what will be his reaction.

And next time if I happen to meet his new galfrens, all I wanna tell her is that --- Good luck and God bless you.


ngo pei si ni, sek si la jin yan!

Cold War

Disappointment

What do you do if your man disappoint you by not keeping his promises?

Should you wait patiently ? Or don't waste your time on him anymore ?

Even though it is just a small thing, we the women do care.

It is not about the romantic dinner that we miss, not about the latest gadget that you promised to buy but you din cause you spent the money for yourself on other stuff and you din care to tell us about that. YOu made the decision. YOU HAVE DECIDED. That's no point in telling us , right ?

It's a reflection on you.
How many promises you manage to keep ?
How many promises that you made you still remember ?
You, yourself is much more important .
You want woman to be selfless
while you yourself being selfish.

It has been a week that you didn't care to called. It's me that call to ask how 's your day.
You said you would called later. That later is one year later, I guess. You never called then.

Go and have your own fun .
It is not the man of your life that you think will walk with you till the end of your life, but God.

Thank God.

Now when shall I learn my lesson?

What a dunk!!!

Time wasted...

Facebook and youtube is really additive... you never notice how times fly .

Tests , exams, orals , assignments, reports, COMPREHENSIVE...

coming back to the reality .

Next time should set a timer when I am on facebook / youtube. Darn it .

Wish me luck.

7 months to the final destination...

Course night 2009 -- The mark of the ending of my 5 year degree

Went to prom .

Many things flashed through my mind.

The slides presentation did not really make me move.

Maybe there 's not much of my memories here.

I am not a somebody here.

5 years ....

Is a long way... not too far away....

Friendship comes and goes.
It's up to us to maintain the relationship.
Nothing last forever, except the love of God.
Most importantly,
I hope that I will not lose myself again
In whichever path that God lead me to
To discover what really lies in me

It's not how much I earn
It's not how well I am
It's not how smart I am
It's not how wealthy I am
It's not how pretty I am
It's not about how well-liked I am

It's about the simple things in life
It's about the beauty of this world
of GOD's every creature

It's about how much I do care
I appreciate
all this simplicity .

The man that I love

A glass of wine, whispering bossa nova,
dancing slowly through the melody
With the man that I love

The man that I love
Is neither a perfect man
The man that I love
Nor a romanticist

Oh when that will happen ?
Oh when you will be ?


The man that I love
Makes me cry
The man that I love
Makes me smile

I love him , He loves me too.

The man that I love
Tell his mother
He wanna leave the town
To visit his love one

The man that I love
Though did not leave the town
Sent sms and telling his love one
That he misses her very much

The man that I love
is neither a handsome chap
nor a wealthy man
The man that I love
is a nobody
but a somebody in my heart

The man that I love
is just a man that I love
and he loves me too.

Tag : Joshua @ Hooi Meng

Bleeding heart

Sunday Afternoon

Sunday Afternoon - Rachael Yamagata

It's a choice
to stay
It's a dream
& I wanna wake

You have blood on your hands
and I'm feeling faint
And honey
You can't decide

I'm a drug
Ya don't wanna give up
Smoke your cigarettes
Make your love

You poured blood in my heart
and I can't get enough
I'm drowning, drowning
and you can't decide

It's not about geography, or happenstance
you need to fly, & take a chance
You don't need to soar to emptiness
Float on high, & forever dance alone

Your scared, scared, scared
cuz I feel like home

Hear your voice
Knew right away
If you were here
your eyes would say

There is blood on my feet
as I'm walking away
Rivers are red
Its starting to rain

I'm not gonna live for you
or die for you
Won't do anything anymore for you
Cuz you leave me here on the other side
You leave me here on the other side


Not gonna shed one more tear for you
shed one more tear for you
I'm not gonna shed one more tear for you

At least not til Sunday Afternoon
Sunday Afternoon

Leave or Stay
Leave or Stay

What if...

What if ...
What if we have never met ?
What if the flower never blossom?
What if the race has never started ?
What if we never fought before ?
What if you apologize?
What if I din turn off the phone?
What if we still love each other ?
.
.
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.
.
There is no more what if ...
We know it very well.



What if.... when there is no more what if .

The End of the Chapter...

Cheer Chan
Finally
You stop calling
Stop asking
Stop concerning
Stop quarreling
Stop fighting
Stop texting
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...
From today onwards,
there is no need, and no haste
to wait for
your call
your sms
to reply
every single word that you say
to replay
every single moment
about you

Thank you for giving me the space
Thank you for letting go
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...

So now I can stop
Thinking about you
Crying for you
Aching for you
Changing myself
into someone that I hardly know
for you
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
... ...
New life
New Air
A Brand new me.
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.
.
We can't tell what's the future holding for us
The End . The Beginning ?
Love me not ?
.
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.
.
Maybe it 's not important anymore
At least
I can rest my pain
for the timebeing.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
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.
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Thank you for loving me so much
And hurting me so much
Both of us are merely immature beings
Living in their very own little world
.
.
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..
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What you wants is not what i want...
What I want is not what you want...

Song for J

Even So - Rachael Yamagata

"Even So"

You're gonna hate me when I tell you everything
You're gonna question whether you really know me at all
You will revisit every smile, and where it fit into the day
I know this is how it will play
And I try, oh I try to think of all the things
That I could do to let you know that I love

Even so

I was not looking to do you wrong
Was not looking for a change of scenery
Don't remember where, or when, or how I did
But I'm hoping you'll forgive me
And I try, oh I try to think of all the things
That I could do to let you know that I love you

Do you remember how we'd run in the summertime
Do you remember how we'd run in the summertime

Oh I try, I try so very hard
And I cry, I cry so very much
For I love you like you'll never let yourself feel again
I love you like a brother and a friend
I love you with my whole heart until it bends
I love you like a lover until the very end

But I'll always think of all the things you did
To let me know that you love me
But you're leaving

Even so

Song for J

Reason Why - Rachael Yamagata

I think about how it might have been
We'd spend out days travelin'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out alone, hope for the best
And we hang our heads down
As we skip the goodbyes
And you can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face
From coast to coast, or where ever I find my place
I'll track you on the radio, and
I'll sign your list in a different name
But as close as I get to you
It's not the same

So, I will head out alone, hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
As say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, you're still there
I'm gone, you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

So, steal the show, and do your best
To cover the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find
Whatever you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind,
But you only showed me the door

So, I will head out alone, hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
And say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I, you and I, you and I know the reason why.

a little bit down this morning
missed my dateline
for my assignment

but your concern
your sis was sitting beside you

Don't you know that a little gesture
can make a big difference
It's heaven
but now it's hell

Just a gal
need a lot of love
calling out for love
wanting love
------------------------------------------------

Happy that I finally got some time
for myself

It has been a long time
since
I can have a cup of hot tea
sitting by myself
In an empty hall of mine

No intruders
No interupters

But there is freedom
and satisfaction

Just me and myself
my pc
and a playlist
iron and wine

perhaps what's lacking
just a glass of wine

A perfect afternoon
A perfect rainy day

though there was
a little crack in this morning

It's a peaceful afternoon
though I have canceled my plan
to go for shopping

It's a peaceful afternoon
though he didn't call nor sms
(or lucky he didn't call )

It's a peaceful afternoon
and I am pleased

For my heart is filled
For God knows what I need the most

It's nothing else,
But this peaceful moment.

Amen.

Naked As We Came (Album) - Iron And Wine

Everyone is moving ...
Are you
Part of the game
Did you win
or lose

Did it hinder you
from moving forward
oder holding you back
from advancing

Is this a joke
or a blessing
Pain and sweetness
intertwine
Twist follows twist
Thirst for more
Losing more of self


Where are you heading to
where are you going to
what's going through

not within ya control
not within ya expectation

do you wanna let it go
or hold on it
tighter
the merrier
the crazier
the more hysterical

The closer
the further
the more you know
the less you know

strangers
to lovers
lovers
to stranger
??

tears to laughter
laughter to tears
??

Cuddling together
both on heaven
pushing away
to the deepest vale

hello or bye
bye or hello

silence
silent you fool !!
silence speaking all these while.

dirty linen !!
no dirty linen , but a rift between us



part of life
part of lie

Drowning in this swirl.

Flightless bird, American Mouth

I really love Iron and Wine. His song is so poetic.Listening to his song is like browsing through a movie . I don't have a very strong background of English literature . Below is the interpretation of Flightless bird, american mouth (my favourite songs of his )by darleneinacio that I came across.

I was a quick wet boy diving too deep for coins:
He was a guy that was hard to get and only cared for money,

All of your streetlight eyes, Wide on my plastic toys:
Everyone only saw him for what he had though.

Then when the cops closed the fair:
Then he realized he wanted love

I cut my long baby hair:
he decided to grow up.

Stole me a dog-eared map:
He realized what he wanted

And called for you everywhere:
and started searching for her

Have I found you:
has he found it?

flightless bird:
this fragile helpless thing could it be her?

Jealous, weeping:
he is jealous and sad.

Or is lost you:
Or is he to late?

American mouth:
are is she spoken for?

Big pill, looming:
the thought is hard to swallow

Now I'm a fat house cat:
Now he is happy he can have all he wants

Nursing my sore blunt tongue:
can finally get some rest he don't have to call for her anymore.

Watching the warm poison rats curl through the wide fence ****s:
he watching the other girls try to tell her lies so the can get in.

****ing on magazines:
He knows it's lies

those fishing lures thrown in the cold and clean:
so no matter how much the girls try the are fishing without bate

Blood of Christ mountain stream:
Because what he has is very pure.

Have I found you:
So is she the one?

Flightless bird:
this unlikely creature

grounded:
he is not going anywhere

bleeding:
He would rather get hurt

or lost you:
Well he loss her?

american mouth:
will she find another and be spoken for

Big pill stuck going down:
that would be to hard to swallow