Finally I know the truth.
He betrayed me.
Can you believe these? Right after the break -up sms he called her for hours, probably sweet talk to convince her .
And after that, everyday, every morning, and night time just like what he did, a morning call, and a goodnight call to her.
Don't deny it. I know it.
Stop pretending that you are innocent , or suffering.
You unfaithful , filthy F.
Good luck to the new victim.
Let's see if they dare to deny or avoid me when I go back to get back my belongings.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
A day to remember...
A day to remember
As I am nearer to where God wants me to be
Realizatoin
On the things that not within my hand
Changes start within me
Not the other
I can't change the other
Only God has the ability
Kept doing the wrong thing
I was needy and desperate
I was lost
Insecurity blinded me
There was no such thing as
who is better
Who's the winner
who lose in this battle
Not about who have made the better or right decision
or who did more , who did less
Now I am sorry for the hurt and anger that I had caused (though I don't know what it was)
Sorry that I offended you.
I regret that I didn't speak your love language
I pray that you will not let bitterness to root in your heart
No more grudges
Though I don't know the reason
You go away
Love changes in such a hurry ?
You choose to destroy the bridge of communication
and build a wall to isolate me from you
once I thought
The answer will be the solution
of my bitterness
Now it's not important anymore
Holding no grudges on you anymore
No more bitterness
No more sadness
No avenge
Letting it go
By God's grace
Healing in progress.
I forgive you.
And I forgive myself.
Believing we 'll be better.
I am thankful for the experience and lesson.
wohoo~ rediscovery. Amen.
22.10.09
As I am nearer to where God wants me to be
Realizatoin
On the things that not within my hand
Changes start within me
Not the other
I can't change the other
Only God has the ability
Kept doing the wrong thing
I was needy and desperate
I was lost
Insecurity blinded me
There was no such thing as
who is better
Who's the winner
who lose in this battle
Not about who have made the better or right decision
or who did more , who did less
Now I am sorry for the hurt and anger that I had caused (though I don't know what it was)
Sorry that I offended you.
I regret that I didn't speak your love language
I pray that you will not let bitterness to root in your heart
No more grudges
Though I don't know the reason
You go away
Love changes in such a hurry ?
You choose to destroy the bridge of communication
and build a wall to isolate me from you
once I thought
The answer will be the solution
of my bitterness
Now it's not important anymore
Holding no grudges on you anymore
No more bitterness
No more sadness
No avenge
Letting it go
By God's grace
Healing in progress.
I forgive you.
And I forgive myself.
Believing we 'll be better.
I am thankful for the experience and lesson.
wohoo~ rediscovery. Amen.
22.10.09
Realise ...
Realise that communication is more about what the other person is hearing than the words that I am saying.
Feelings are more important than words.
Connecting is more important than solving.
A real apology , establish a foundation for recouncilation not only in the moment but for the future.
We didn't listen to each other's core fear.
It 's not about winning or losing anymore.
I shall lace my apologies with gentleness.
More importantly, I choose to let it go and trust God to make it up for me.
I am learning to let go of te hurts and pains of the past. Don't let bitterness take root in my life.
I can't do anything about the past, but I can do something about the future.
I am forgiving him for my sake.
Letting go of those wrong's he 's done to me.
Leaving it up to God, take the high road and respond with love.
I don't have to fix everything that happens to me. I don't have to get all upset and try to pay him back for what he did or didn't do. I don't have to get worried or try to manipulate the situation.
I try God to bring justive in His timing, not ours.
God will make my wrongs right.
Amen.
Feelings are more important than words.
Connecting is more important than solving.
A real apology , establish a foundation for recouncilation not only in the moment but for the future.
We didn't listen to each other's core fear.
It 's not about winning or losing anymore.
I shall lace my apologies with gentleness.
More importantly, I choose to let it go and trust God to make it up for me.
I am learning to let go of te hurts and pains of the past. Don't let bitterness take root in my life.
I can't do anything about the past, but I can do something about the future.
I am forgiving him for my sake.
Letting go of those wrong's he 's done to me.
Leaving it up to God, take the high road and respond with love.
I don't have to fix everything that happens to me. I don't have to get all upset and try to pay him back for what he did or didn't do. I don't have to get worried or try to manipulate the situation.
I try God to bring justive in His timing, not ours.
God will make my wrongs right.
Amen.
Friday, October 16, 2009
natalie grant -perfect people
never let 'em see you when you're breaking
Never let 'em see you when you fall
That's how we live and that's how we try
Tell the world you've got it all together
Never let them see what's underneath
Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while
[CHORUS:]
There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scared
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God
Suddenly it's like a weight is lifted
When you hear the words that you are loved
He knows where you are and where you've been
And you never have to go there again
[CHORUS]
Who lived and died to give new life
To heal our imperfections
So look up and see out let grace be enough
[CHORUS]
By a perfect God [5x]
Be changed by a perfect God
Be changed
Thursday, October 15, 2009
The last moment
Quite depressed and sad on what happened between us .
Miss him alot. I found that I couldn't hate him. And I still love him.
This has got to be stopped. Cause it's not going to do my any good, but more harm.
So tonight will be the last night , the last moment of me + him in my own little world.
Then I shall draw a complete fullstop at the end of our story.
Stopped thinking about him and making all sort of guess on him and between us.
Miss him alot. I found that I couldn't hate him. And I still love him.
This has got to be stopped. Cause it's not going to do my any good, but more harm.
So tonight will be the last night , the last moment of me + him in my own little world.
Then I shall draw a complete fullstop at the end of our story.
Stopped thinking about him and making all sort of guess on him and between us.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
He does not worth my love
I was pretty depressed these few days. 10th day post breaking up .
This morning I woke up, my heart is still aching .
Wondering why he did this to me .
I checked my MSN , and I need to confirm that if he has really blocked me.
Googled how to do it.
Yes, I finally found the answer.
My instict, and logic was right. He has blocked me.
There is no turning back in this relationship.
Looking back at what he has done to me all this while.
I was wounded badly.
felt that I was nothing but more than being used by him to fill up his thirst for loneliness and his desire.
It was a foolish game.
Few days ago, my friend told me that maybe it is not right to comment him in his facebook.
I wanted to delete all the bad comment about him.
But today, I realised that I don't have to do this.
The reason is that he is just a jerk that doesn't deserve my kindness to him.
A jerk that never celebrated his galfren's birthday.
A jerk that never celebrated valentine's with his girlfren.
A jerk that blamed his galfren never go and find him but in fact the gal went to his town and waited and waited till 12.00 midnight everyday till he text that " I am too tired to meet you ."
A jerk that can dump his galfren because he was very troubled by his work.
A jerk remains a jerk.
I just have to wake up.
I guess I was furious not because of breaking up with him, but his behavior of cutting out all contacts, and blocking me without after the break up as if I am a plague or am going after him like a crazy insance psyched .
He text to break up.
that's really gut less of him in facing me.
I was thinking that we still can be friends.
He said yes.
Then the following day he did all these to me.
So he is just a liar . Definitely a jerk.
He still owes me money. Not a big lump sum , but a few hundreds.
It's not a big number for a working man who own a business like him.
But it is a lot for a student who solely depends on loan like me.
My account only have less than 2 figure to survive for the following months till Jan. He knew that. So why don't he return the money to me ? Cheapo.
I guess it was a planned beautiful break up by him but turn out I found more ugliness in him.
My only mistake was putting too much effort and getting too committed in this relationship. Trying to hard.
He is the one who quit.
From today onward, I don't have to feel awkward to face him personally or talk to his friend who is able to affect my evaluation of my performance in the clinic.
I truly know that it was absolutely , 100 % not my fault. His best buddy in the ward was avoiding me and or just plain being unfriendly to me in the ward or in the fac.
Next time when I see him, I will just approach him and say, " Hi , Dr D, how 'ya doing " loudly and let's see what will be his reaction.
And next time if I happen to meet his new galfrens, all I wanna tell her is that --- Good luck and God bless you.
ngo pei si ni, sek si la jin yan!
This morning I woke up, my heart is still aching .
Wondering why he did this to me .
I checked my MSN , and I need to confirm that if he has really blocked me.
Googled how to do it.
Yes, I finally found the answer.
My instict, and logic was right. He has blocked me.
There is no turning back in this relationship.
Looking back at what he has done to me all this while.
I was wounded badly.
felt that I was nothing but more than being used by him to fill up his thirst for loneliness and his desire.
It was a foolish game.
Few days ago, my friend told me that maybe it is not right to comment him in his facebook.
I wanted to delete all the bad comment about him.
But today, I realised that I don't have to do this.
The reason is that he is just a jerk that doesn't deserve my kindness to him.
A jerk that never celebrated his galfren's birthday.
A jerk that never celebrated valentine's with his girlfren.
A jerk that blamed his galfren never go and find him but in fact the gal went to his town and waited and waited till 12.00 midnight everyday till he text that " I am too tired to meet you ."
A jerk that can dump his galfren because he was very troubled by his work.
A jerk remains a jerk.
I just have to wake up.
I guess I was furious not because of breaking up with him, but his behavior of cutting out all contacts, and blocking me without after the break up as if I am a plague or am going after him like a crazy insance psyched .
He text to break up.
that's really gut less of him in facing me.
I was thinking that we still can be friends.
He said yes.
Then the following day he did all these to me.
So he is just a liar . Definitely a jerk.
He still owes me money. Not a big lump sum , but a few hundreds.
It's not a big number for a working man who own a business like him.
But it is a lot for a student who solely depends on loan like me.
My account only have less than 2 figure to survive for the following months till Jan. He knew that. So why don't he return the money to me ? Cheapo.
I guess it was a planned beautiful break up by him but turn out I found more ugliness in him.
My only mistake was putting too much effort and getting too committed in this relationship. Trying to hard.
He is the one who quit.
From today onward, I don't have to feel awkward to face him personally or talk to his friend who is able to affect my evaluation of my performance in the clinic.
I truly know that it was absolutely , 100 % not my fault. His best buddy in the ward was avoiding me and or just plain being unfriendly to me in the ward or in the fac.
Next time when I see him, I will just approach him and say, " Hi , Dr D, how 'ya doing " loudly and let's see what will be his reaction.
And next time if I happen to meet his new galfrens, all I wanna tell her is that --- Good luck and God bless you.
ngo pei si ni, sek si la jin yan!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Disappointment
What do you do if your man disappoint you by not keeping his promises?
Should you wait patiently ? Or don't waste your time on him anymore ?
Even though it is just a small thing, we the women do care.
It is not about the romantic dinner that we miss, not about the latest gadget that you promised to buy but you din cause you spent the money for yourself on other stuff and you din care to tell us about that. YOu made the decision. YOU HAVE DECIDED. That's no point in telling us , right ?
It's a reflection on you.
How many promises you manage to keep ?
How many promises that you made you still remember ?
You, yourself is much more important .
You want woman to be selfless
while you yourself being selfish.
It has been a week that you didn't care to called. It's me that call to ask how 's your day.
You said you would called later. That later is one year later, I guess. You never called then.
Go and have your own fun .
It is not the man of your life that you think will walk with you till the end of your life, but God.
Thank God.
Now when shall I learn my lesson?
Should you wait patiently ? Or don't waste your time on him anymore ?
Even though it is just a small thing, we the women do care.
It is not about the romantic dinner that we miss, not about the latest gadget that you promised to buy but you din cause you spent the money for yourself on other stuff and you din care to tell us about that. YOu made the decision. YOU HAVE DECIDED. That's no point in telling us , right ?
It's a reflection on you.
How many promises you manage to keep ?
How many promises that you made you still remember ?
You, yourself is much more important .
You want woman to be selfless
while you yourself being selfish.
It has been a week that you didn't care to called. It's me that call to ask how 's your day.
You said you would called later. That later is one year later, I guess. You never called then.
Go and have your own fun .
It is not the man of your life that you think will walk with you till the end of your life, but God.
Thank God.
Now when shall I learn my lesson?
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Monday, September 07, 2009
Time wasted...
Facebook and youtube is really additive... you never notice how times fly .
Tests , exams, orals , assignments, reports, COMPREHENSIVE...
coming back to the reality .
Next time should set a timer when I am on facebook / youtube. Darn it .
Wish me luck.
Tests , exams, orals , assignments, reports, COMPREHENSIVE...
coming back to the reality .
Next time should set a timer when I am on facebook / youtube. Darn it .
Wish me luck.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Course night 2009 -- The mark of the ending of my 5 year degree
Went to prom .
Many things flashed through my mind.
The slides presentation did not really make me move.
Maybe there 's not much of my memories here.
I am not a somebody here.
5 years ....
Is a long way... not too far away....
Friendship comes and goes.
It's up to us to maintain the relationship.
Nothing last forever, except the love of God.
Most importantly,
I hope that I will not lose myself again
In whichever path that God lead me to
To discover what really lies in me
It's not how much I earn
It's not how well I am
It's not how smart I am
It's not how wealthy I am
It's not how pretty I am
It's not about how well-liked I am
It's about the simple things in life
It's about the beauty of this world
of GOD's every creature
It's about how much I do care
I appreciate
all this simplicity .
Many things flashed through my mind.
The slides presentation did not really make me move.
Maybe there 's not much of my memories here.
I am not a somebody here.
5 years ....
Is a long way... not too far away....
Friendship comes and goes.
It's up to us to maintain the relationship.
Nothing last forever, except the love of God.
Most importantly,
I hope that I will not lose myself again
In whichever path that God lead me to
To discover what really lies in me
It's not how much I earn
It's not how well I am
It's not how smart I am
It's not how wealthy I am
It's not how pretty I am
It's not about how well-liked I am
It's about the simple things in life
It's about the beauty of this world
of GOD's every creature
It's about how much I do care
I appreciate
all this simplicity .
The man that I love
A glass of wine, whispering bossa nova,
dancing slowly through the melody
With the man that I love
The man that I love
Is neither a perfect man
The man that I love
Nor a romanticist
Oh when that will happen ?
Oh when you will be ?
The man that I love
Makes me cry
The man that I love
Makes me smile
I love him , He loves me too.
The man that I love
Tell his mother
He wanna leave the town
To visit his love one
The man that I love
Though did not leave the town
Sent sms and telling his love one
That he misses her very much
The man that I love
is neither a handsome chap
nor a wealthy man
The man that I love
is a nobody
but a somebody in my heart
The man that I love
is just a man that I love
and he loves me too.
Tag : Joshua @ Hooi Meng
dancing slowly through the melody
With the man that I love
The man that I love
Is neither a perfect man
The man that I love
Nor a romanticist
Oh when that will happen ?
Oh when you will be ?
The man that I love
Makes me cry
The man that I love
Makes me smile
I love him , He loves me too.
The man that I love
Tell his mother
He wanna leave the town
To visit his love one
The man that I love
Though did not leave the town
Sent sms and telling his love one
That he misses her very much
The man that I love
is neither a handsome chap
nor a wealthy man
The man that I love
is a nobody
but a somebody in my heart
The man that I love
is just a man that I love
and he loves me too.
Tag : Joshua @ Hooi Meng
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Sunday Afternoon
Sunday Afternoon - Rachael Yamagata
It's a choice
to stay
It's a dream
& I wanna wake
You have blood on your hands
and I'm feeling faint
And honey
You can't decide
I'm a drug
Ya don't wanna give up
Smoke your cigarettes
Make your love
You poured blood in my heart
and I can't get enough
I'm drowning, drowning
and you can't decide
It's not about geography, or happenstance
you need to fly, & take a chance
You don't need to soar to emptiness
Float on high, & forever dance alone
Your scared, scared, scared
cuz I feel like home
Hear your voice
Knew right away
If you were here
your eyes would say
There is blood on my feet
as I'm walking away
Rivers are red
Its starting to rain
I'm not gonna live for you
or die for you
Won't do anything anymore for you
Cuz you leave me here on the other side
You leave me here on the other side
Not gonna shed one more tear for you
shed one more tear for you
I'm not gonna shed one more tear for you
At least not til Sunday Afternoon
Sunday Afternoon
Leave or Stay
Leave or Stay
What if...
What if ...
What if we have never met ?
What if the flower never blossom?
What if the race has never started ?
What if we never fought before ?
What if you apologize?
What if I din turn off the phone?
What if we still love each other ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
There is no more what if ...
We know it very well.
What if.... when there is no more what if .
What if we have never met ?
What if the flower never blossom?
What if the race has never started ?
What if we never fought before ?
What if you apologize?
What if I din turn off the phone?
What if we still love each other ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
There is no more what if ...
We know it very well.
What if.... when there is no more what if .
The End of the Chapter...
Cheer Chan
Finally
You stop calling
Stop asking
Stop concerning
Stop quarreling
Stop fighting
Stop texting
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...
From today onwards,
there is no need, and no haste
to wait for
your call
your sms
to reply
every single word that you say
to replay
every single moment
about you
Thank you for giving me the space
Thank you for letting go
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...
So now I can stop
Thinking about you
Crying for you
Aching for you
Changing myself
into someone that I hardly know
for you
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
... ...
New life
New Air
A Brand new me.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
We can't tell what's the future holding for us
The End . The Beginning ?
Love me not ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Maybe it 's not important anymore
At least
I can rest my pain
for the timebeing.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Thank you for loving me so much
And hurting me so much
Both of us are merely immature beings
Living in their very own little world
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
What you wants is not what i want...
What I want is not what you want...
Song for J
Even So - Rachael Yamagata
"Even So"
You're gonna hate me when I tell you everything
You're gonna question whether you really know me at all
You will revisit every smile, and where it fit into the day
I know this is how it will play
And I try, oh I try to think of all the things
That I could do to let you know that I love
Even so
I was not looking to do you wrong
Was not looking for a change of scenery
Don't remember where, or when, or how I did
But I'm hoping you'll forgive me
And I try, oh I try to think of all the things
That I could do to let you know that I love you
Do you remember how we'd run in the summertime
Do you remember how we'd run in the summertime
Oh I try, I try so very hard
And I cry, I cry so very much
For I love you like you'll never let yourself feel again
I love you like a brother and a friend
I love you with my whole heart until it bends
I love you like a lover until the very end
But I'll always think of all the things you did
To let me know that you love me
But you're leaving
Even so
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